I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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