Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
