so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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