Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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