Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
