She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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