what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
