C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize