new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
