I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
