Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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