I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
