I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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