Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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