Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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