Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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