once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
