i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And then my night got REAL pukey
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize