I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
