We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
