You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
