If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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