Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
