I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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