her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
