it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
