there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
