THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize