An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
