he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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