just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My bed smells like the plague
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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