her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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