he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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