You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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