We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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