Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've blown a few things in my day
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
