I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sorry about my life...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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