Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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