I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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