Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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