My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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