Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
