I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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