I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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