it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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