WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
