Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
