I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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