If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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