At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
