then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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