i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
