dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
