Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
