oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
